As I sit here making my shopping list for Thanksgiving( no, I haven't shopped yet), I'm trying to hold back all the tears that so badly want to get out. I've had a really, really, really hard year. While 2010 was better than 2009, I feel like I've been through a war. I have so much to be thankful for, but I also feel like I've got a giant hole gaping inside my chest that aches for what I've lost. My mom was telling me how much she wishes I was home to help her decorate her Xmas tree, and I can honestly say that I"m more homesick than I've ever been. I just want to be with my family this year for the holidays.
I'm missing elements of my life with Michael. And even though Eric adores me, he can't take away the hurt that I have to muddle my way through and he can't replace my best friend. I know that this hurt will get better with time, but right now, it feels like it's never going to get better.
I've come so far, and I've accomplished so many things. I'm so thankful that I can go out and run 6 miles everyday. I've decided to start studying to be a personal trainer, and that it'll help me with the next chapter of my life. Knowing those things are around the corner help me see past the immediate challenges.
Ok, enough bellyaching. I'll get through it. I always do.
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