The other day, I was having a seriously shitty day, and was gonna do a post, but decided it best to wait for the anger to subside. I don't want my blog to be negative, and I don't want people to think I'm negative, even though I do have my days from time to time when I'm just not happy with anything or anyone. That said, today's blog is about the price I pay for having the life I want.
I live a mostly great life. I run my own business, which pays my bills (and not much else), I decide when and for how long I want to work, I don't work 40 hours a week, and my commute involves walking down the steps from my bedroom and around the corner into the living room to the piano. I have free time most mornings that I can use to work out 2 hours a day. All in all, that's pretty f'n sweet. Except for the fact that I'm the paycheck. I don't get paid by someone else every two weeks, and I don't get vacation time or sick time. I get paid once a month. If I don't work, I don't get paid. And, if people decide to be disrespectful and give me short notice on discontinuing lessons, it puts me in a serious bind.
My anger the other day was directed at one person. He knew that money was due the last week of the month, and gave me the runaround about paying me for days. Finally, on the 5th of the month, after I had paid rent and bills, and was basically broke, but still trying to go to New Orleans for the weekend, he decided to tell me via text message that he was discontinuing lessons. Really? This, compounded with someone else who dropped and someone else who couldn't pay me til mid month, really meant that the trip away that I so very desperately needed, would be cancelled at the last minute. So, in a matter of a couple hours, I was broke and not going anywhere this weekend, and not going to get a chance to see my friend. This, of course, pissed me off even more.
I went to the gym, and really tried to run it out. Then, I tried to lift it out by killing my legs on the weight machines. Really, I felt more like throwing the weights AT people, instead of lifting them. But, knowing that I had worked off some of that aggression meant that I felt a tiny smidge better. A good cry whilst sitting on the floor when I got home went a long way in helping me feel better, too. But the reality was/is I'm mentally exhausted and badly need a break from my life to go on an adventure or do something new.
The bottom line here is this: I love teaching. I HATE running the business. I take it too personally when people treat me badly as a teacher, and it's exhausting my mind. Running and lifting and cycling only go so far in helping me clear my mind of all the shit that swirls around in it. I'm a sensitive person, even though I look like a died in the wool athlete who could kick your ass for looking at me wrong.
Everyone makes a choice at some point about how they want to live life. What kind of life you want, what job, car, house, diamond, dog, or clothing you want. There's a price we all pay for those decisions. I had to give up my vacation so I could make sure there was food in my fridge until August 1, but everything happens for a reason. And my hardship pales in comparison to others'. Some prices are higher than others, like the people in this month's issue of Runner's World who have battled or are battling cancer. I've realized that my decision to live like this will cause casualties in my life(in the form of friends, trips, and sometimes family), but I'm certain the payoff in the long run(pun intended) will be worth all the crap I have to put up with right now. This is the life I chose, and so I'll pay the price, even if it hurts sometimes.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Out of my comfort zone.
A few weeks ago I got a new student, and he's a little different than my other students who are mostly interested in classical music or music theater singing. He told me sings in a rock band and needs some help. Then he gave me some tickets to a charity rock concert. That concert was last night, and it was decidedly out of my comfort zone.
Part of the problem I have these days is understanding that I'm not fat anymore. But I spent my whole life being overweight, and the ramifications of that are long lasting. One doesn't just lose 100# and automatically be ok with herself. I'm not edgy or cool. I don't dress hip or sexy. I'm just not that girl. But maybe I'm not that girl because I haven't tried, or think I can't pull it off. Given the chance to really step out last night and wear something HOT, knowing that a lot of people there would be dressed the same way, was scary for me. So, I went with what would make me feel comfortable, which was my favorite denim skirt that is way too big for me, red and white layered tank tops, and my trusty silver Birkenstocks. Even being comfortable in my clothes didn't make me feel comfortable in my own skin.
I live a rather solitary life where I don't put myself in the position to feel insecure, but it's in the moments that I do something new and different that I realize just how unsure my footing is. But that's a juxtaposition for me as well, because for the most part, I don't give a rat's ass what people think of me. When I run, I look like a total nerd, and I don't care because I run for myself. When I teach, my students know that I'm a little crazy, and I don't care. I say what needs to be said in all aspects of my life, and don't really care how if affects others involved. But when it comes to stepping out into a room full of scantily clad rocker Barbies, why do I pick that moment to care what people think?
I was uncomfortable for an hour or so, until my student's band took the stage, and then I let myself be just another face in the crowd. I let myself listen, and feel the music, and turn off the teacher instincts. I tried to ignore some of his bad habits, the ones I see each week in lessons, but haven't gotten around to fixing yet. And like some of my other students performing on stage before, I watched him scan the crowd for my face. And then the rocker boy found his teacher in the audience, pointed right at me and smiled because he knew I was there way past my bedtime, he knew I had to run today and wasn't happy about being out so late, and he knew I was out of my comfort zone. After that, my comfort zone disappeared.
My friend and I went upstairs after the last band's set to see if they'd be by their merch table, and I wanted to see some other friends from a different band. It's in those moments when I get insecure again. When the rocker Barbies are swooning over the rocker boys. But as another friend of mine pointed out, "You're one of the Barbies now. Every time I see you, you look better." Barton and Scott are two of the nicest guys I know, wild, but nice. They've known me since before I started this journey, and every time they see me, they tell me how amazing I look. Last night, after several beers, the "wow, you look greats" turned into, "DUDE, YOU"RE SO HOT"(mind you, one of them has a girlfriend clad in a corset, tiny hotpants and fishnets). After a chat and a picture, I decided that walking out of my comfort zone had been a great idea. I had a lot of fun last night, and was reminded of how amazing it is to just move to the music, whatever kind it is. I was reminded that once upon a time, there was a rocker girl inside of me who lived for Aerosmith concerts.
The concert last night was a leap of faith I had to take on my own. It was a necessary evil to helping me realize that hiding behind my former self isn't acceptable any longer. Last night, I stepped out of my comfort zone, and it took on a life of it's own, so that today it's much bigger.
Part of the problem I have these days is understanding that I'm not fat anymore. But I spent my whole life being overweight, and the ramifications of that are long lasting. One doesn't just lose 100# and automatically be ok with herself. I'm not edgy or cool. I don't dress hip or sexy. I'm just not that girl. But maybe I'm not that girl because I haven't tried, or think I can't pull it off. Given the chance to really step out last night and wear something HOT, knowing that a lot of people there would be dressed the same way, was scary for me. So, I went with what would make me feel comfortable, which was my favorite denim skirt that is way too big for me, red and white layered tank tops, and my trusty silver Birkenstocks. Even being comfortable in my clothes didn't make me feel comfortable in my own skin.
I live a rather solitary life where I don't put myself in the position to feel insecure, but it's in the moments that I do something new and different that I realize just how unsure my footing is. But that's a juxtaposition for me as well, because for the most part, I don't give a rat's ass what people think of me. When I run, I look like a total nerd, and I don't care because I run for myself. When I teach, my students know that I'm a little crazy, and I don't care. I say what needs to be said in all aspects of my life, and don't really care how if affects others involved. But when it comes to stepping out into a room full of scantily clad rocker Barbies, why do I pick that moment to care what people think?
I was uncomfortable for an hour or so, until my student's band took the stage, and then I let myself be just another face in the crowd. I let myself listen, and feel the music, and turn off the teacher instincts. I tried to ignore some of his bad habits, the ones I see each week in lessons, but haven't gotten around to fixing yet. And like some of my other students performing on stage before, I watched him scan the crowd for my face. And then the rocker boy found his teacher in the audience, pointed right at me and smiled because he knew I was there way past my bedtime, he knew I had to run today and wasn't happy about being out so late, and he knew I was out of my comfort zone. After that, my comfort zone disappeared.
My friend and I went upstairs after the last band's set to see if they'd be by their merch table, and I wanted to see some other friends from a different band. It's in those moments when I get insecure again. When the rocker Barbies are swooning over the rocker boys. But as another friend of mine pointed out, "You're one of the Barbies now. Every time I see you, you look better." Barton and Scott are two of the nicest guys I know, wild, but nice. They've known me since before I started this journey, and every time they see me, they tell me how amazing I look. Last night, after several beers, the "wow, you look greats" turned into, "DUDE, YOU"RE SO HOT"(mind you, one of them has a girlfriend clad in a corset, tiny hotpants and fishnets). After a chat and a picture, I decided that walking out of my comfort zone had been a great idea. I had a lot of fun last night, and was reminded of how amazing it is to just move to the music, whatever kind it is. I was reminded that once upon a time, there was a rocker girl inside of me who lived for Aerosmith concerts.
The concert last night was a leap of faith I had to take on my own. It was a necessary evil to helping me realize that hiding behind my former self isn't acceptable any longer. Last night, I stepped out of my comfort zone, and it took on a life of it's own, so that today it's much bigger.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
People are strange when you're a stranger.
It seems people like to talk to me. Strangers, especially. Everyone from the deli guy to the seafood guy to the cashier; they all like to talk to me. Even when I'm not in the mood to talk back. Apparently, I have the type of personality that invites conversation. Mind you, it doesn't really bother me, but it is a little annoying sometimes. Weird thing is, it hasn't always been like this. I've noticed over the course of the last couple years as I've gotten skinnier that people are nicer to me. It leads me to really believe that the vast majority of people are prejudice against fatties. I really try deep down to not become one of those with prejudice, but sometimes it's hard when I see people abusing their bodies the way I used to. It makes me think, if I could do it, why can't you? But then I remember, I had to get to the place where I was ready to do it. Some people never get there.
I never really noticed it before because I didn't want anyone to look at me, much less talk to me when I was fat and miserable. Even though I always dressed really nice, did my hair and makeup and made sure I looked presentable before I walked out of the house. But, people didn't talk to me then. Come to think of it, the only people who really talked to me were other big people I ran across in my everyday life.
I try to encourage people I see out on the trail or at the gym who look like I used to, because I forget sometimes how much a stranger's enthusiasm and motivation meant to me. Now that I look the part, fewer people give me thumb's up, or atta girls. So, I try to pass it along. I am turning into that person that people come to for help changing their lives. I've come to grips with that, accepted it, and am ready for the challenge. I am okay with being the girl that everyone wants to talk to, tell their problems to, and get advice from. I'm excited about it even. It's a paradigm shift for me, and sometimes it makes me very self conscious, I'm not gonna lie. But, it's what the universe needs from me. So, go ahead, strangers, talk away. Tell me what's on your mind, ask your questions. Don't be offended by my answers, and don't fancy me a snob because I say things like, I ONLY ran 10 miles today. That's my reality, and it's very different from many other peoples'. But, I'm here to listen, so talk away.
I never really noticed it before because I didn't want anyone to look at me, much less talk to me when I was fat and miserable. Even though I always dressed really nice, did my hair and makeup and made sure I looked presentable before I walked out of the house. But, people didn't talk to me then. Come to think of it, the only people who really talked to me were other big people I ran across in my everyday life.
I try to encourage people I see out on the trail or at the gym who look like I used to, because I forget sometimes how much a stranger's enthusiasm and motivation meant to me. Now that I look the part, fewer people give me thumb's up, or atta girls. So, I try to pass it along. I am turning into that person that people come to for help changing their lives. I've come to grips with that, accepted it, and am ready for the challenge. I am okay with being the girl that everyone wants to talk to, tell their problems to, and get advice from. I'm excited about it even. It's a paradigm shift for me, and sometimes it makes me very self conscious, I'm not gonna lie. But, it's what the universe needs from me. So, go ahead, strangers, talk away. Tell me what's on your mind, ask your questions. Don't be offended by my answers, and don't fancy me a snob because I say things like, I ONLY ran 10 miles today. That's my reality, and it's very different from many other peoples'. But, I'm here to listen, so talk away.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
A true milestone
So in October of 2008, I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting. I was skeptical at best, and was greeted by an over zealous leader who made me want to smack her before she even opened her mouth to greet me. I was wearing the only pants I owned that still fit me, a pair of elastic waist knit gauchos in a size 24 that were best described as tight and a size 22/24 Avenue T-shirt that was also bulging at the seams. I sat through the meeting, and listened intently, to these people talking about points this and core that, and then listened to them celebrate their losses.....and their gains. When it came for joining up, I dutifully stepped on the scale and winced, waiting to hear my starting weight. Mind you, I couldn't tell you the last time I'd been on a scale before that, and I wasn't in any hurry to hop on this one. However, it was what had to be done. The computer beeped, and she said, "Your starting weight is(and she whispered it so I could barely hear it) 289." I was crushed. "Really? I'm that big?" I'd never been close to that size in my life, and a wave of shame washed over me. I didn't seem that big when I looked in the mirror. But then I remembered the pictures from summer vacation that year, remembered looking at them in disgust.
The lady behind the counter, Mary, handed me my beginner books and such, and said, "one pound at a time is the way it's done, Dear." I listened to the leader's getting started session, and thought surely I'd fallen into the 7th circle of Hell or something like it. She talked to me about 5% and 10% goals, and what my ultimate goal weight should be. She touted portion sizes and the importance of weighing and measuring. Ever the skeptic, I listened. The woman in front of me, Helen, was over excitedly talking all about how she had lost 80 pounds, and how WW had changed her life. And so I thought, perhaps it can change mine as well.
I went home from that first meeting, and didn't exactly take to the plan with open arms. I decided to try core first, and after a few weeks of doing it my own way, I caved and started sticking to the points. I worked out diligently riding my beach cruiser and learning to "run" the loop around my neighborhood. Months passed, and the weight slowly came off. I trained for my first 1/2 marathon, then my second, then my third. I logged countless hours at the gym, on the bike, and running the roads. Neighbors and passersby watched me shrink before their eyes and would stop me on the streets to commend my efforts and tell me how inspirational I was.
Life inside my house was a nightmare. Mike had gotten a terrible staph infection, then lost his job, then we lost the Jeep, then he decided he didn't really want to work. I tried to stick to my plan as much as I could. He didn't want anything to do with exercising or keeping the candy out of the house. I started to change, and to not be okay with mediocrity and irresponsibility anymore. I had taken control of my body and started being responsible with it, and thought I should apply those principles to the other aspects of my life. Unfortunately, he didn't really take to that either.
I completed my first full marathon in January of 2010, after losing 70 ish pounds. Life would never be the same. I kept at my plan, and kept losing here and there, but I was going to school and auditioning for grad school, and was desperately seeking a way out of my life. I decided in April of 2010 to leave, and start my own life. Quickly, the pounds started to shed again. I trained for more races, and ran all summer last year. I trained for my second Disney marathon and ran it in January of this year. I pulled someone across the finish line with me who would've quit had it not been for me talking her through the whole thing. I realized my calling that day. Whether it be personal training or counseling, or both, I am meant to coach people.
My own weight loss has stalled at -90# for months on end. My body had gone through muscular changes, but not lost weight. Only a few weeks ago did I start serious weight training in addition to the massive amounts of cardio I do every week. Sunday, life changed again when I came home from running long. I hopped on the scale, as I do every morning like a psycho, and it popped up a number I'd never seen before:186. I nearly passed out. Not only had the scale moved, but it had lept from the 190's into the 180's! And, it had ran past 189, which put me well past the -100# mark.
When I look back at the last 2 1/2 years, it amazes me what I've come through. I never dreamed in a million years that the life I had when I was a fatty wouldn't even resemble in any way the life I have now. I never dreamed I'd be happy living by myself, running a successful business, and carving out my niche in the world. I never dreamed I'd survive the break up of my marriage, or be the one who did the breaking. And I certainly never thought that losing weight would change me on an elemental, cellular level, but it has. When I started WW, I never thought I'd be the person telling people at the meetings how much I've lost and watching them look back at me with adoration, envy, and joy. I'm so close to meeting my goal, and I will not stop until I get it.
Losing 103# is a true milestone, one in a long line of milestones that has changed my life for the better. I have been changed for good. I hope I can help others change for good, too.
The lady behind the counter, Mary, handed me my beginner books and such, and said, "one pound at a time is the way it's done, Dear." I listened to the leader's getting started session, and thought surely I'd fallen into the 7th circle of Hell or something like it. She talked to me about 5% and 10% goals, and what my ultimate goal weight should be. She touted portion sizes and the importance of weighing and measuring. Ever the skeptic, I listened. The woman in front of me, Helen, was over excitedly talking all about how she had lost 80 pounds, and how WW had changed her life. And so I thought, perhaps it can change mine as well.
I went home from that first meeting, and didn't exactly take to the plan with open arms. I decided to try core first, and after a few weeks of doing it my own way, I caved and started sticking to the points. I worked out diligently riding my beach cruiser and learning to "run" the loop around my neighborhood. Months passed, and the weight slowly came off. I trained for my first 1/2 marathon, then my second, then my third. I logged countless hours at the gym, on the bike, and running the roads. Neighbors and passersby watched me shrink before their eyes and would stop me on the streets to commend my efforts and tell me how inspirational I was.
Life inside my house was a nightmare. Mike had gotten a terrible staph infection, then lost his job, then we lost the Jeep, then he decided he didn't really want to work. I tried to stick to my plan as much as I could. He didn't want anything to do with exercising or keeping the candy out of the house. I started to change, and to not be okay with mediocrity and irresponsibility anymore. I had taken control of my body and started being responsible with it, and thought I should apply those principles to the other aspects of my life. Unfortunately, he didn't really take to that either.
I completed my first full marathon in January of 2010, after losing 70 ish pounds. Life would never be the same. I kept at my plan, and kept losing here and there, but I was going to school and auditioning for grad school, and was desperately seeking a way out of my life. I decided in April of 2010 to leave, and start my own life. Quickly, the pounds started to shed again. I trained for more races, and ran all summer last year. I trained for my second Disney marathon and ran it in January of this year. I pulled someone across the finish line with me who would've quit had it not been for me talking her through the whole thing. I realized my calling that day. Whether it be personal training or counseling, or both, I am meant to coach people.
My own weight loss has stalled at -90# for months on end. My body had gone through muscular changes, but not lost weight. Only a few weeks ago did I start serious weight training in addition to the massive amounts of cardio I do every week. Sunday, life changed again when I came home from running long. I hopped on the scale, as I do every morning like a psycho, and it popped up a number I'd never seen before:186. I nearly passed out. Not only had the scale moved, but it had lept from the 190's into the 180's! And, it had ran past 189, which put me well past the -100# mark.
When I look back at the last 2 1/2 years, it amazes me what I've come through. I never dreamed in a million years that the life I had when I was a fatty wouldn't even resemble in any way the life I have now. I never dreamed I'd be happy living by myself, running a successful business, and carving out my niche in the world. I never dreamed I'd survive the break up of my marriage, or be the one who did the breaking. And I certainly never thought that losing weight would change me on an elemental, cellular level, but it has. When I started WW, I never thought I'd be the person telling people at the meetings how much I've lost and watching them look back at me with adoration, envy, and joy. I'm so close to meeting my goal, and I will not stop until I get it.
Losing 103# is a true milestone, one in a long line of milestones that has changed my life for the better. I have been changed for good. I hope I can help others change for good, too.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
A fresh start
I'm restarting my blog as I restart training after that effing staph infection sidelined me. Before 5.2.2011, I was in the best physical shape of my life, at my lowest weight since 7th grade, and ready to conquer the world. 10 days off, and I'm back down in the shit where I was months ago.
I"m gonna try to post daily, and get out what I need to say about life, training, family, and business. I'm just not a "sit still on the couch person".
I went running today, and managed to keep my paces down below 11/mile for 3 miles......that's all I could handle, a crappy 3 miles. Granted, I've survived 2 massive rounds of soul sucking antibiotics that drained the life right out of me, but still. 3 miles? BARF. I also can't discount the fact that I have an open pit on my shin the size of a dime that looks mildly better everyday. And after my early morning run today, I came home and Cloroxed everything, and I mean everything! This is the second time is 8 months I've had a staph infection. They said I got this bug from the surfaces I touch everyday, and by God, they'll all be clean if it kills me. Next on the list is my car.
I'm heading to Ohio tomorrow for a family wedding, and I must say I'm having a more than serious amount of anxiety about it. I don't get alond well with one of my aunts, who is quite possibly one of the most miserable people I know of. She just doesn't like me. Idk if that's because I'm my mother's daughter and she hates my mom, or if she's just jealous of me that I could actually get out of a bad marriage and live a happy life when she's hiding behind her Bible to keep her in a sham of a marriage for the last 30 years to a man who flagrantly cheats on her. Idk if she's jealous because I'm fit and healthy and kinda hot now, and both her daughters are now the fat ones. It's hard to tell. My goal is to avoid her and her family at all costs. I'll be cordial, but I'm striking up any conversations.
Also, there are some personal milestones happening this weekend that are giving me anxiety. tomorrow will mark the 1 year anniversary of me leaving my husband. I"m trying to not really think about it too much, but it's weighing on me. I'm also going to a wedding for two young people who are broke, without good jobs, and struggling to survive, which might as well be a mirror image of he and I when we got married. I don't advocate getting married under such stress. It didn't work for us, and the stress never really went away. Granted, Idk what their relationship is like, but still, my 7 year weddking anniversary is 2 weeks away, and the similarities are striking and sad.
You see? This is what happens when I sit on my couch for a week! My brain does nothing but think. This is why I run. I run to get my mind some relief from thinking. And even now that I'm back to running, 30 minutes just isn't enough time to decompress my brain. I really hope my legs come back soon, and that I can be out there running 10 miles sooner than later, because at this rate, I"m gonna think myself to death.
I"m gonna try to post daily, and get out what I need to say about life, training, family, and business. I'm just not a "sit still on the couch person".
I went running today, and managed to keep my paces down below 11/mile for 3 miles......that's all I could handle, a crappy 3 miles. Granted, I've survived 2 massive rounds of soul sucking antibiotics that drained the life right out of me, but still. 3 miles? BARF. I also can't discount the fact that I have an open pit on my shin the size of a dime that looks mildly better everyday. And after my early morning run today, I came home and Cloroxed everything, and I mean everything! This is the second time is 8 months I've had a staph infection. They said I got this bug from the surfaces I touch everyday, and by God, they'll all be clean if it kills me. Next on the list is my car.
I'm heading to Ohio tomorrow for a family wedding, and I must say I'm having a more than serious amount of anxiety about it. I don't get alond well with one of my aunts, who is quite possibly one of the most miserable people I know of. She just doesn't like me. Idk if that's because I'm my mother's daughter and she hates my mom, or if she's just jealous of me that I could actually get out of a bad marriage and live a happy life when she's hiding behind her Bible to keep her in a sham of a marriage for the last 30 years to a man who flagrantly cheats on her. Idk if she's jealous because I'm fit and healthy and kinda hot now, and both her daughters are now the fat ones. It's hard to tell. My goal is to avoid her and her family at all costs. I'll be cordial, but I'm striking up any conversations.
Also, there are some personal milestones happening this weekend that are giving me anxiety. tomorrow will mark the 1 year anniversary of me leaving my husband. I"m trying to not really think about it too much, but it's weighing on me. I'm also going to a wedding for two young people who are broke, without good jobs, and struggling to survive, which might as well be a mirror image of he and I when we got married. I don't advocate getting married under such stress. It didn't work for us, and the stress never really went away. Granted, Idk what their relationship is like, but still, my 7 year weddking anniversary is 2 weeks away, and the similarities are striking and sad.
You see? This is what happens when I sit on my couch for a week! My brain does nothing but think. This is why I run. I run to get my mind some relief from thinking. And even now that I'm back to running, 30 minutes just isn't enough time to decompress my brain. I really hope my legs come back soon, and that I can be out there running 10 miles sooner than later, because at this rate, I"m gonna think myself to death.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
A thousand steps in the right direction.....
As the next marathon comes closer and closer(it's now only 11 weeks away), I find myself struggling to juggle all elements of my life. Even though I don't have kids, I have so many things going on at once that I feel like everyday is scheduled out hour to hour. Between training, going to school, teaching, and trying to get a divorce, I'm exhausted at the end of every day. Granted, I pile all this stuff on myself, but geez, it's hard.
I keep reminding myself everyday that I'm doing all of this for a reason: to get where I want to be. I want to be fit and healthy and I want to be a motivation and inspiration to those around me. I want to be instrumental in getting my community off its couches and out on the sidewalks taking a thousand steps in the right direction.
Some days, like today, all I wanted to do was stay in bed because my legs were tired. Why were they tired? I killed them yesterday. I decided to take it easy today, and only kill my arms after running 4 miles. On other days, I feel like I could run forever, and sometimes I do. But I have to say, it's the days I don't feel motivated that I'll put on my running shoes and hit the road, only to come home and share my run and find that my run has motivated someone else. That's one of the joys of Facebook, I guess. I've had so many people tell me they log on everyday just to read my posts.
So, today I feel a little overwhelmed by life, but tomorrow is a new day. And, everyday I run, I take a thousand more steps in the right direction. I just wish I could find some people to take them with me. Maybe I'll start my own running program.......hmm.
I keep reminding myself everyday that I'm doing all of this for a reason: to get where I want to be. I want to be fit and healthy and I want to be a motivation and inspiration to those around me. I want to be instrumental in getting my community off its couches and out on the sidewalks taking a thousand steps in the right direction.
Some days, like today, all I wanted to do was stay in bed because my legs were tired. Why were they tired? I killed them yesterday. I decided to take it easy today, and only kill my arms after running 4 miles. On other days, I feel like I could run forever, and sometimes I do. But I have to say, it's the days I don't feel motivated that I'll put on my running shoes and hit the road, only to come home and share my run and find that my run has motivated someone else. That's one of the joys of Facebook, I guess. I've had so many people tell me they log on everyday just to read my posts.
So, today I feel a little overwhelmed by life, but tomorrow is a new day. And, everyday I run, I take a thousand more steps in the right direction. I just wish I could find some people to take them with me. Maybe I'll start my own running program.......hmm.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
An overdue race report
It just dawned on me that I never posted my draft of the race report from the Disney Marathon. So, almost 2 weeks later, here it is. Mind you, it's the draft from the day after the race, so it'll be written about "yesterday" even though it's from 2 weeks ago.
My morning started at 2AM, when the allarm went off. I was too jazzed to hit the snooze button, so I got up and ate some breakfast. I started packing all my gear into my Fuel Belt. We headed out at 3:47, and arrived at Epcot at 4:15. All runners had to be at the start line and in their corrals by 5, so Eric and I made the 1 mile walk to the start line with thousands of my closest friends. After 45 minutes of waiting in the freezing cold, in shorts might I add, a great singer did the national anthem, and the first wave took off. There were fireworks and pyrotechnics, and music. Mickey, Minnie, Donald, and Goofy all had on track suits and were dancing. It was good fun.
My goal pace for this race was 12/mile, and so I kept a clost eye on my Garmin for the first couple until I could feel my toes again, just to make sure I wasn't doing anything crazy. I have to say the the first ten miles kinda went by in a blur. I remember some ladybugs from the Mainstreet Electrical Parade(my favorite old school parade at Disney) at mile 2ish, and then running around The World Showcase and ginormouse Xmas tree to mile 4. The next thing I remember is handing Eric my jacket at Mile 10 near the Contmporary, and then running through the Magic Kingdom. I had to get a picture in the same place as last year, with me on Main Street in front of Cinderella's castle.
Once we left MK, it was kinda boring. Running along the back side of the property, there wasn't much to look at, and the road narrowed quite a bit, which meant that we were pretty crowded, and that made it tough to really run well. We ran through the composting and water treatment facility, which was quite smelly, I was super happy to get through there. Around mile 14, my legs started to cramp, and I thought that was because I had slowed down a little bit, so I kept running. By mile 16, my legs locked up completely, and I was running straight into the wall. At the turn of mile 17(somewhere near the back of Animal Kingdom), I stopped, stretched, called Eric for a pep talk, and doubled down on clig bloks and water. As I started back to running, I slowly started to feel better. About then, I noticed a runner who I'd passed before, who'd then pass me, and so forth. She looked like she was in intense pain, and so was I, so I struck up a convo.
It turns out, Gail had been left by her group because her knee was hurting her so much she had to slow her pace way down, and had made a stop at a medical tent for some taping. I asked her if we could run together for a while, and the miles started climbing. My iPhone earbuds had died, and I could use the distraction as well. We talked about kids, weight loss, jobs, animals, hobbies, food, running, you name it. As we ran together, her pain worsened, but I kept up motivating her and changing topics. Mile 18, 19 clicked by and I reminded her at mile 20, that a 10k was nothing. Through Animal Kingdom, we ran the canal between AK and the back gate of Epcot. Gail was in serious pain, and I was hurting pretty well at this point. By mile 23, I had become the motivator to several people running near us. "A 5k is what we eat for breakfast", I said. By this point, we weren't really talking much, just trying to survive the rest of the run.
As we got through the back gates of Epcot, we hit mile 25, and there were a lot more people cheering on the runners. In a lot of pain, I kept reminding Gail that no matter what happened, when she crossed the finish line, SMILE! If this is gonna be your only marathon, at least make sure you have a good picture, right? I found myself being frustrated that the spectators weren't making much noise, so I started getting them pumped. Once we saw that big ass ball, we were at mile 26, and I pushed it into overdrive. Around the corner, there were tons of people and we could see that blessed finish line waiting. I split up from Gail, and reminded her to smile as best she could. With a huge smile on my face, and 2 fingers in the air, I ran over that line, and I can honestly say, it was one of the happiest moments of my life! It was the moment I shoudl have had last year when I ran it, but happily took this year instead.
Once we got our medals, Gail found me, and gave me the biggest hug. She told me that she couldn't have made it to the finish without me, and that I have a great gift for motivating people. She also said that someday, I'm going to make a huge difference in the lives of people who need it most. Between finshing the race and what she said to me, I was in tears. I made my way through the food line and found Eric, stretched, relaxed for a bit, and then went home.
5:29:29 was my finishing time, which makes me super happy. Overall, it was a great experience, and one I will repeat next year as part of my quest to complete the Goofy Challenge!
My morning started at 2AM, when the allarm went off. I was too jazzed to hit the snooze button, so I got up and ate some breakfast. I started packing all my gear into my Fuel Belt. We headed out at 3:47, and arrived at Epcot at 4:15. All runners had to be at the start line and in their corrals by 5, so Eric and I made the 1 mile walk to the start line with thousands of my closest friends. After 45 minutes of waiting in the freezing cold, in shorts might I add, a great singer did the national anthem, and the first wave took off. There were fireworks and pyrotechnics, and music. Mickey, Minnie, Donald, and Goofy all had on track suits and were dancing. It was good fun.
My goal pace for this race was 12/mile, and so I kept a clost eye on my Garmin for the first couple until I could feel my toes again, just to make sure I wasn't doing anything crazy. I have to say the the first ten miles kinda went by in a blur. I remember some ladybugs from the Mainstreet Electrical Parade(my favorite old school parade at Disney) at mile 2ish, and then running around The World Showcase and ginormouse Xmas tree to mile 4. The next thing I remember is handing Eric my jacket at Mile 10 near the Contmporary, and then running through the Magic Kingdom. I had to get a picture in the same place as last year, with me on Main Street in front of Cinderella's castle.
Once we left MK, it was kinda boring. Running along the back side of the property, there wasn't much to look at, and the road narrowed quite a bit, which meant that we were pretty crowded, and that made it tough to really run well. We ran through the composting and water treatment facility, which was quite smelly, I was super happy to get through there. Around mile 14, my legs started to cramp, and I thought that was because I had slowed down a little bit, so I kept running. By mile 16, my legs locked up completely, and I was running straight into the wall. At the turn of mile 17(somewhere near the back of Animal Kingdom), I stopped, stretched, called Eric for a pep talk, and doubled down on clig bloks and water. As I started back to running, I slowly started to feel better. About then, I noticed a runner who I'd passed before, who'd then pass me, and so forth. She looked like she was in intense pain, and so was I, so I struck up a convo.
It turns out, Gail had been left by her group because her knee was hurting her so much she had to slow her pace way down, and had made a stop at a medical tent for some taping. I asked her if we could run together for a while, and the miles started climbing. My iPhone earbuds had died, and I could use the distraction as well. We talked about kids, weight loss, jobs, animals, hobbies, food, running, you name it. As we ran together, her pain worsened, but I kept up motivating her and changing topics. Mile 18, 19 clicked by and I reminded her at mile 20, that a 10k was nothing. Through Animal Kingdom, we ran the canal between AK and the back gate of Epcot. Gail was in serious pain, and I was hurting pretty well at this point. By mile 23, I had become the motivator to several people running near us. "A 5k is what we eat for breakfast", I said. By this point, we weren't really talking much, just trying to survive the rest of the run.
As we got through the back gates of Epcot, we hit mile 25, and there were a lot more people cheering on the runners. In a lot of pain, I kept reminding Gail that no matter what happened, when she crossed the finish line, SMILE! If this is gonna be your only marathon, at least make sure you have a good picture, right? I found myself being frustrated that the spectators weren't making much noise, so I started getting them pumped. Once we saw that big ass ball, we were at mile 26, and I pushed it into overdrive. Around the corner, there were tons of people and we could see that blessed finish line waiting. I split up from Gail, and reminded her to smile as best she could. With a huge smile on my face, and 2 fingers in the air, I ran over that line, and I can honestly say, it was one of the happiest moments of my life! It was the moment I shoudl have had last year when I ran it, but happily took this year instead.
Once we got our medals, Gail found me, and gave me the biggest hug. She told me that she couldn't have made it to the finish without me, and that I have a great gift for motivating people. She also said that someday, I'm going to make a huge difference in the lives of people who need it most. Between finshing the race and what she said to me, I was in tears. I made my way through the food line and found Eric, stretched, relaxed for a bit, and then went home.
5:29:29 was my finishing time, which makes me super happy. Overall, it was a great experience, and one I will repeat next year as part of my quest to complete the Goofy Challenge!
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