So today officially started my second full marathon training program! I'm super stoked about it, except that it's really intense, which I asked for, so I can't really complain much. My brother gave me a lot more slack to create it this time around, and it took me forever to put it all together today, but I got it done.
I'm really going to try to document my training online this time. So, in that spirit, here goes.
Today I got up much later than anticipated, and didn't get outside until 10 something......Lucky for me, it was totally overcast with a breeze, so it wasn't a miserable as it could've been. My legs felt really good, but I hadn't run in 4 days so I didn't want to over do it. I only 3.25 miles, but then did some major core work and squats just for good measure.
On to the life part.
I've kind of been seeing someone, which is for me a sure sign that I was way over my marriage before I really knew it. Sad, but true. Anway, he's older and has two daughters who make life a whole lotta complicated. I'm not good at dealing with other people's stress on top of my own. I have enough to deal with just managing my life. Throw someone new into that mix, and it's kind of volatile. I knew he was going out of town with his girls for 3 days starting today, then mid way through the day, after I'd already made plans, he tells me he's dropping off his girls at his mom's and is coming back to town tonight. So, I get all excited about it, and then, again at the last minute, he backs out. And so now, I'm pissed. I just don't really know how to not let someone else ruin my mood. Can someone explain that to me? So my great evening out with a girlfriend just got trashed by someone else. Awesome.
Bed is a reboot button. I think I'll hit it now.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Vacation Recap
Being back home is harder than I though it would be, even though i thought I was soooo ready to be here. although, being on vacation was really hard, too, so I guess I'm just at a point where everything is hard on me.
Let me just say that getting trapped in van for 10 hours with my super religious step sister and her husband was not my idea of a great drive to Myrtle Beach, but it turned out mostly ok because I slept A LOT. The fact that they wouldn't listen to the radio unless it was christian pop was enough to make me wanna kill myself and no amount of reading Cosmo could spice up the conversation. That said, the trip down was mostly uneventful.
Once we got there, we got rooms picked out, and yours truly got sent to the kids room, since I didn't have to have my own room this, me being single and all. FUN! So that not only meant not having a car, but also not having any private space that wasn't also shared with kids. And me in a house with 9 kids 3-13 was also not optimal because withough the hubby around, I had no buffer to be able to get away from it all. Needless to say by Monday, I had cabin fever so bad I was about to start walking back to Orlando.
My mom is awesome at crafts and so every morning we had craft time with all the kiddos around the table, and of course I helped. Sunday was "foamie" day, and Monday was "paint your own picture frame" day, which was so much fun to help with, watching the kids mix and match paints. The idea was to find sea shells and glue them to the frames as a reminder of our trip. We also went for the first crab hunt Monday night, which consists of our group wearing crazy crab hats wandering around the beach looking for poor, unsuspecting crabs to chase.
Tuesday was "paint your lobster day". Not nearly as fun as picture frames.
In the midst of all the craft craziness, I did manage to spend an enormous amount of time at the beach and spend some quality time with my oldest brother and SIL, who are the marathoners. And I managed to run Sunday and Monday. It was kinda fun to listen to my brother whine about how hot it was, especially since I have been training in this heat for weeks now. Did I mention that Monday after my run my iPhone fell off the second story railing to its concrete death?? Yeah. That pretty much killed my vacation mood. It still works, the screen is just destroyed, as in the liquid crystal stuff inside exploded. Fun.
Lets also not forget all the weird family dynamics that take place on one of these "shove your whole family in a house for one week and see who survives" vacations. 21 people who don't see each other much makes for some very interesting interactions. Although, I've always been the black sheep, so that didn't really change much, and I just kinda did my own thing as much as possible and the let the parents keep their kids. I did not offer to babysit. I don't babysit.
By Tuesday, I was ready to come back. The kids were on my nerves, I was anxious to get back to work, and I was generally over the beach. My mom, step sister and I went to our favorite gift shop Tuesday afternoon to peruse the AMAZING Christmas store they have, and shop for various other gifts and such. One of our favorite artists/ sculptors, Jim Shore, has a cat collection that I just love, and two years ago she bought me the Curiosity killed the cat angel. This year, we decided we would buy "Patience" the cat, since that's what I need most in my life right now. That evening my two brothers, their families and I went out to a Japanese steakhouse for our bi annual dinner, and had a pretty good time. Tuesday night was music night, which was actually a lot of fun. As the kids get older, they get more fun I think. Listening to them sing and watching them dance was just a hoot.
Wendesday morning I was up early to help my mom prepare tie dye t shirts. I'm pretty sure my fingers will never be the same after tying rubber bands around a dozen shirts. But she said they turned out amazingly and I can't wait to get mine in the mail! Although, she bought me an XL, and was kinda disappointed when I told her I'd have to use it as a night shirt, since and XL is too big, thankuverymuch.
By 10, I was itching to get on a plane. so, I said my goodbyes, got on the plane and came home. By the time I got back, my other step sister was in labor 4 weeks early, and boy was I glad to have gotten outta the house before that all went down. That would have just been too much for me to handle. I was having a hard enough time dealing with the kids as a freshly seperated woman whose biological clock wakes her up every day.
Between the TOM coming on and leaving my family, I went through a really rough couple days Thursday and Friday. I'm still not completely myself. And since I sprained my ankle Wednesday I'm not able to run for a couple more days just to make sure it's healed. And since it's TOM, I'm eating everything in sight, so I'm not really into tracking right now. But, tomorrow is the start of a new week, and I'll get back on the wagon.
Another vacation gone. Back to reality.
Let me just say that getting trapped in van for 10 hours with my super religious step sister and her husband was not my idea of a great drive to Myrtle Beach, but it turned out mostly ok because I slept A LOT. The fact that they wouldn't listen to the radio unless it was christian pop was enough to make me wanna kill myself and no amount of reading Cosmo could spice up the conversation. That said, the trip down was mostly uneventful.
Once we got there, we got rooms picked out, and yours truly got sent to the kids room, since I didn't have to have my own room this, me being single and all. FUN! So that not only meant not having a car, but also not having any private space that wasn't also shared with kids. And me in a house with 9 kids 3-13 was also not optimal because withough the hubby around, I had no buffer to be able to get away from it all. Needless to say by Monday, I had cabin fever so bad I was about to start walking back to Orlando.
My mom is awesome at crafts and so every morning we had craft time with all the kiddos around the table, and of course I helped. Sunday was "foamie" day, and Monday was "paint your own picture frame" day, which was so much fun to help with, watching the kids mix and match paints. The idea was to find sea shells and glue them to the frames as a reminder of our trip. We also went for the first crab hunt Monday night, which consists of our group wearing crazy crab hats wandering around the beach looking for poor, unsuspecting crabs to chase.
Tuesday was "paint your lobster day". Not nearly as fun as picture frames.
In the midst of all the craft craziness, I did manage to spend an enormous amount of time at the beach and spend some quality time with my oldest brother and SIL, who are the marathoners. And I managed to run Sunday and Monday. It was kinda fun to listen to my brother whine about how hot it was, especially since I have been training in this heat for weeks now. Did I mention that Monday after my run my iPhone fell off the second story railing to its concrete death?? Yeah. That pretty much killed my vacation mood. It still works, the screen is just destroyed, as in the liquid crystal stuff inside exploded. Fun.
Lets also not forget all the weird family dynamics that take place on one of these "shove your whole family in a house for one week and see who survives" vacations. 21 people who don't see each other much makes for some very interesting interactions. Although, I've always been the black sheep, so that didn't really change much, and I just kinda did my own thing as much as possible and the let the parents keep their kids. I did not offer to babysit. I don't babysit.
By Tuesday, I was ready to come back. The kids were on my nerves, I was anxious to get back to work, and I was generally over the beach. My mom, step sister and I went to our favorite gift shop Tuesday afternoon to peruse the AMAZING Christmas store they have, and shop for various other gifts and such. One of our favorite artists/ sculptors, Jim Shore, has a cat collection that I just love, and two years ago she bought me the Curiosity killed the cat angel. This year, we decided we would buy "Patience" the cat, since that's what I need most in my life right now. That evening my two brothers, their families and I went out to a Japanese steakhouse for our bi annual dinner, and had a pretty good time. Tuesday night was music night, which was actually a lot of fun. As the kids get older, they get more fun I think. Listening to them sing and watching them dance was just a hoot.
Wendesday morning I was up early to help my mom prepare tie dye t shirts. I'm pretty sure my fingers will never be the same after tying rubber bands around a dozen shirts. But she said they turned out amazingly and I can't wait to get mine in the mail! Although, she bought me an XL, and was kinda disappointed when I told her I'd have to use it as a night shirt, since and XL is too big, thankuverymuch.
By 10, I was itching to get on a plane. so, I said my goodbyes, got on the plane and came home. By the time I got back, my other step sister was in labor 4 weeks early, and boy was I glad to have gotten outta the house before that all went down. That would have just been too much for me to handle. I was having a hard enough time dealing with the kids as a freshly seperated woman whose biological clock wakes her up every day.
Between the TOM coming on and leaving my family, I went through a really rough couple days Thursday and Friday. I'm still not completely myself. And since I sprained my ankle Wednesday I'm not able to run for a couple more days just to make sure it's healed. And since it's TOM, I'm eating everything in sight, so I'm not really into tracking right now. But, tomorrow is the start of a new week, and I'll get back on the wagon.
Another vacation gone. Back to reality.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Vacation
This is just a short post whilst on vacation to check in and share the complicated life I'm leading with my followers.
So far, vacation has been great! I'm pretty relaxed, despite my phone getting destroyed yesterday, and having to figure all that out. I'm having a great time hanging with my mom, and brothers, and just chilling out. Although, I'll admit that being single has its drawbacks. For one, I have no car and am at the mercy of everyone else when I wanna go somewhere. For another, I've been demoted to the "kids" room, to sleep in bunkbeds with my nieces..,....fun. And, I kinda feel like everyone is feeling a little bit sorry for me and tip toeing around me a bit. EESSH.
I have 3 "sisters" here, two sisters in law and one step sister. What amazes me about them is that one is a marathoner and super skinny and athletic and the other two are what they consider "fat". What cracks me up? They refuse to wear bathing suits and swim and enjoy their children or the beach because they perceive themselves as fat. And then there's me. The former fatty turned athlete who flaunts what she's got, size 12 or not, proudly for all to see. So, I can imagine that doesn't do much for their self image, being that I'm loving the way I look right now. Even two years ago at size 26, I still put on my bathing suit and rocked the beach.
Whatever.
I'm heading back to Orlando tomorrow to work, and will post a comprehensive vacation recap once back and getting some spare time.
So far, vacation has been great! I'm pretty relaxed, despite my phone getting destroyed yesterday, and having to figure all that out. I'm having a great time hanging with my mom, and brothers, and just chilling out. Although, I'll admit that being single has its drawbacks. For one, I have no car and am at the mercy of everyone else when I wanna go somewhere. For another, I've been demoted to the "kids" room, to sleep in bunkbeds with my nieces..,....fun. And, I kinda feel like everyone is feeling a little bit sorry for me and tip toeing around me a bit. EESSH.
I have 3 "sisters" here, two sisters in law and one step sister. What amazes me about them is that one is a marathoner and super skinny and athletic and the other two are what they consider "fat". What cracks me up? They refuse to wear bathing suits and swim and enjoy their children or the beach because they perceive themselves as fat. And then there's me. The former fatty turned athlete who flaunts what she's got, size 12 or not, proudly for all to see. So, I can imagine that doesn't do much for their self image, being that I'm loving the way I look right now. Even two years ago at size 26, I still put on my bathing suit and rocked the beach.
Whatever.
I'm heading back to Orlando tomorrow to work, and will post a comprehensive vacation recap once back and getting some spare time.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The resposible and right thing to do.
Every two years, my parents rent a HUGE beach house in Myrtle Beach, and invite my sigblings and offspring to come ! I wildly anticipate this week every two years, and am super excited that it's next week.......finally! the problem? I'm self employed, and if I don't work, I don't make make money. I'm the only person I know who is too broke to go on a FREE vacation! I mean, Hell's bells, my mom is even paying for my plane fare and everything while I'm there! But, since the split, I'm on my own financially, and that means I can only depend on me to bring in the cash.
So, last night, I made the decision to go and only spend 4 days at the beach with my family, instead of the whole 8 days. Making this decision was so hard because I never get to spend time with my mom and siblings without the added pressure of other family visiting. But, I didn't want to spend my whole vacation stessing about money, and being broke when I got back. I feel pretty good about my decision to leave halfway through the week because I can come back next week and still get most of my teaching done, so I won't lose much money.
The funniest part about the whole thing is, when I called my mom to talk about it, she hung up and said she was ok with it. But then she called me back to specifically tell how proud she was of me for making a decision that was the right and responsible thing to do. I guess that's just another example of how much I've changed. But it also goes to show how bad the decisions I used to make were, if I actually do something responsible and it catches my mom off guard.
Anyway, I'm super excited to go to the beach for as long as I'm there! I'm nearly 90# lighter than I was last time 2 years ago, and looking pretty amazing. I actually pulled out a pic from last vacation, and that girl doesn't even look like me.
It's so hard to make responsible decisions, but in the end, they're the right thing to do. And, surprisingly I'm under so much less now than I was 2 days ago. I guess doing the right and responsible thing really isn't such a bad thing.
So, last night, I made the decision to go and only spend 4 days at the beach with my family, instead of the whole 8 days. Making this decision was so hard because I never get to spend time with my mom and siblings without the added pressure of other family visiting. But, I didn't want to spend my whole vacation stessing about money, and being broke when I got back. I feel pretty good about my decision to leave halfway through the week because I can come back next week and still get most of my teaching done, so I won't lose much money.
The funniest part about the whole thing is, when I called my mom to talk about it, she hung up and said she was ok with it. But then she called me back to specifically tell how proud she was of me for making a decision that was the right and responsible thing to do. I guess that's just another example of how much I've changed. But it also goes to show how bad the decisions I used to make were, if I actually do something responsible and it catches my mom off guard.
Anyway, I'm super excited to go to the beach for as long as I'm there! I'm nearly 90# lighter than I was last time 2 years ago, and looking pretty amazing. I actually pulled out a pic from last vacation, and that girl doesn't even look like me.
It's so hard to make responsible decisions, but in the end, they're the right thing to do. And, surprisingly I'm under so much less now than I was 2 days ago. I guess doing the right and responsible thing really isn't such a bad thing.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
It's hard for me to fathom that it's been over 6 months since I updated my blog, but now seems as good a time as any to restart it. Many, many changes have taken place in my life, some good, some not so good. And, being I've lost my two best friends in this world, I don't have many people to talk to about it, so I might as well share it with my online friends.
Who knew that losing weight would throw into perspective that everything in my life was broken? Really.
The person who I though was my best friend, outside my marriage, decided that she just couldn't be friends with someone as neurotic about losing weight as I am, and so, she dropped me like a bad habit sometime around last christmas. The truth? Fat people don't like having skinny friends because it forces them to face up to the fact that they're fat because they're lazy, or maybe that's just the case with this one person. But that's been my general experience as a former fatty myself.
The person who was my actual best friend, my husband, just couldn't handle my demanding new personality, and I just couldn't handle him sitting on his unemployed ass doing nothing(not even exercising), while I was working out 6 days a week and working my ass off to make the ends meet(which they weren't). So, the things that I thought were maybe just bent turned out to actually be broken. And, when two married people who were once crazy over each other become nothing more than friends, and then become less than friends, it's time to let it go. And so i did. Three weeks ago, I moved out with my cat and my running shoes, and now I'm single-ish.
Now comes the fun part of arguing over finances(not that we have any assets), and signing papers. Fun.
I never thought losing weight so I could start having babies would lead to needing a new man to start having babies with!
Up to this point, I've lost 87#, run 4 half marathons, 1 full, and countless 5K's. I'm gonna start training for the Rock n Roll Las Vegas Marathon on December 5th, which is my 30th birthday. I figured there's no better way to celebrate a new life and turning 30 than in Vegas doing what I love to do!
I have the support of my family, what few friends I have left, and a wonderful new friend who listen when I need to cry, and tell me to suck it up when I need to. Life will go on, and so will I.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Training week 18
I intitally set out to blog every week of training to keep a record of my training for myself and other people. I haven't really been able to to that, but I've managed to come by occassionally and write it down. This is one of those weeks when it's so important for me to write it down.
When I started back in July, I though there was no way I would be able to handle the workouts my coach planned out for me. They looked too tough, too long, and too intense. With only 6 weeks to go until my marathon, I'm finally realizing some things.
Today, I ran 19 miles. Not walked, but ran 19 miles. I weigh 231#, at least 60# more than the average marathon runner. When I tried to do this distance last week, I couldn't get past 15 miles. And I came home so frustrated that I almost gave up training. But I decided to give it just one more try. I amazed myself today. I realized that I'm an athlete today. Not just a fat girl running a marathon, but an athlete who is strong, and who has more endurance than the skinny little marathoners out there. Anyone in decent shape can run for 3 hours. Try running for 6 hours, which is how long it will take me to finish a full marathon. That's endurance.
I have a 10 year high school reunion coming up in 5 weeks. I'm so apprehensive about it. These people haven't seen or talked to me in a decade. But on Facebook, some of those people who never really cared what I did or made fun of me for what I did, are messaging me and telling me how amazed they are at what I'm doing now. The people who really used to know me, know that its' no surprise that I sing for a living, and even though they were initially surprised to hear about the marathon training, they know that one thing about me hasn't changed: if I want it, I'll have it no matter what it takes.
Last week, I was scared of this marathon. Today, I conquered that fear. I'm an athlete. I'm going to kick the ass of that marathon. I'm a 231# endurance running athlete.
When I started back in July, I though there was no way I would be able to handle the workouts my coach planned out for me. They looked too tough, too long, and too intense. With only 6 weeks to go until my marathon, I'm finally realizing some things.
Today, I ran 19 miles. Not walked, but ran 19 miles. I weigh 231#, at least 60# more than the average marathon runner. When I tried to do this distance last week, I couldn't get past 15 miles. And I came home so frustrated that I almost gave up training. But I decided to give it just one more try. I amazed myself today. I realized that I'm an athlete today. Not just a fat girl running a marathon, but an athlete who is strong, and who has more endurance than the skinny little marathoners out there. Anyone in decent shape can run for 3 hours. Try running for 6 hours, which is how long it will take me to finish a full marathon. That's endurance.
I have a 10 year high school reunion coming up in 5 weeks. I'm so apprehensive about it. These people haven't seen or talked to me in a decade. But on Facebook, some of those people who never really cared what I did or made fun of me for what I did, are messaging me and telling me how amazed they are at what I'm doing now. The people who really used to know me, know that its' no surprise that I sing for a living, and even though they were initially surprised to hear about the marathon training, they know that one thing about me hasn't changed: if I want it, I'll have it no matter what it takes.
Last week, I was scared of this marathon. Today, I conquered that fear. I'm an athlete. I'm going to kick the ass of that marathon. I'm a 231# endurance running athlete.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Loss
It dawned on me the other day that I hadn't written in my blog for a few weeks. Most days seem to just fly by for me, and I barely can hold on.
11 days ago, time stopped cold in my life. I got the phone call I've been dreading for 3 1/2 years, ever since my paps went into the nursing home. The last year has been a real stuggle for him, with constant infection and a case of broken spirit/serious home sickness.
11 days ago, during a voice lesson i was teaching, my mom told me to put myself on the first plane to Ohio, and do it now. Code: he's dying, come home now. My husband went to work finding me a ticket, and I kep teaching because I was so rattled I couldn't have driven safely anyway.
I left Orlando at 5:00am the next day(which means I got up at 3, after not sleeping a wink), and got home mid day. First stop, the hospital. My mom was a wreck, my paps wasn't coherent, and had lost 50 lbs since July. I've never sat vigil waiting for someone to die, but I wasn't looking forward to this. Besides that, I can't stand my aunts, and they were all coming, of course.
Fast forward one day, and my brothers from other parts of Ohio came in, my cousin from Columbus, and my other cousin from Southern KY were all there. They decided to move him to Hospice, which he arrived to around 8. By 10:05, he was gone. Peacefully, with his entire family around him, he let us go. I won't ever forget that moment. He was the biggest, strongest, and most amazing man I've ever or will ever know. He was the only grandfather I ever had, and I think I will miss him everyday for the rest of my life.
We buried him last Tuesday, and I came back last Wednesday, but I can't seem to resume my life. My brain isn't functioning well, and I'm eating everything I can get my hands on. There is a gaping hole in my life now, and I know that I can't fill it. He's not sitting in that wretched nursing home any more, but the next time I go home, I'll have to go to the cemetary to visit. Although, I must say, he's got the corner lot of the cemetary, on a hill, overlooking a soy bean field and the hills. It's a room with a view for eternity for sure. I had him for 28 years, and 16 of those I spent right next door on the farm living the life only a few kids get to live. My brothers and I spent time with him that none of the cousins ever got to, and I will cherish those memories my whole life.
Profound sense of loss sort of describes what I'm going through. My life won't ever be the same, and I don't know how to cope with that. But I'm doing the best I can.
11 days ago, time stopped cold in my life. I got the phone call I've been dreading for 3 1/2 years, ever since my paps went into the nursing home. The last year has been a real stuggle for him, with constant infection and a case of broken spirit/serious home sickness.
11 days ago, during a voice lesson i was teaching, my mom told me to put myself on the first plane to Ohio, and do it now. Code: he's dying, come home now. My husband went to work finding me a ticket, and I kep teaching because I was so rattled I couldn't have driven safely anyway.
I left Orlando at 5:00am the next day(which means I got up at 3, after not sleeping a wink), and got home mid day. First stop, the hospital. My mom was a wreck, my paps wasn't coherent, and had lost 50 lbs since July. I've never sat vigil waiting for someone to die, but I wasn't looking forward to this. Besides that, I can't stand my aunts, and they were all coming, of course.
Fast forward one day, and my brothers from other parts of Ohio came in, my cousin from Columbus, and my other cousin from Southern KY were all there. They decided to move him to Hospice, which he arrived to around 8. By 10:05, he was gone. Peacefully, with his entire family around him, he let us go. I won't ever forget that moment. He was the biggest, strongest, and most amazing man I've ever or will ever know. He was the only grandfather I ever had, and I think I will miss him everyday for the rest of my life.
We buried him last Tuesday, and I came back last Wednesday, but I can't seem to resume my life. My brain isn't functioning well, and I'm eating everything I can get my hands on. There is a gaping hole in my life now, and I know that I can't fill it. He's not sitting in that wretched nursing home any more, but the next time I go home, I'll have to go to the cemetary to visit. Although, I must say, he's got the corner lot of the cemetary, on a hill, overlooking a soy bean field and the hills. It's a room with a view for eternity for sure. I had him for 28 years, and 16 of those I spent right next door on the farm living the life only a few kids get to live. My brothers and I spent time with him that none of the cousins ever got to, and I will cherish those memories my whole life.
Profound sense of loss sort of describes what I'm going through. My life won't ever be the same, and I don't know how to cope with that. But I'm doing the best I can.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)